On Meeting Jesus in the Shower and a Non-Linear Journey of Faith

This is short piece I wrote the morning an unexpected visitor showed up in my shower a few weeks ago.

After a long weekend of depressed and narcissistic thoughts during the few moments that I was half awake on Saturday and Sunday, I finally got out of bed and decided it was time to get clean and start doing something. You must understand, this is no simple feat in and of it self, as some of you may know, after being in bed for 40 hours or so, just getting up is a battle all its own. But I did it and I jumped right in the shower.

In the shower I was more distracted by my thoughts than normal. I was deep in my head thinking about how to turn my situation around; how to be happier or feel more purpose in life. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I couldn’t remember if I had washed my hair—I’m almost certain I washed my hair twice, but it did feel extra soft. In the midst of this deep thought I impressed myself with the idea that faith is a non-linear journey; non-linear meaning that it’s not always moving from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ to point ‘C’. Sometimes, it seems we may start at point ‘F’ move to point ‘J’ and then back to point ‘B’ before moving back to point ‘F’ again. Using the alphabet to describe “points” of faith is all too linear in and of it self. The process is three-dimensional.

As these thoughts are flowing through my head and I’m trying to think of a better metaphor for faith over time, I’m literally motionless as I look up to see an image on the tile of my shower. Is that? Could it be? Am I really crazy (rhetorical question)? I see what looks like the common image of Jesus etched out in the marbled colors of the shower tile. It stops me from all that I was doing, my thoughts are frozen. No more concerns about non-linear anything. I stand motionless, razor in one hand, water running down my back, staring at this tiny image that has caught me so unaware and off guard. I’ve showered hundreds, if not thousands, of times in that shower and never seen anything at all in the tile, but today…

As I was frozen still I could feel my heart begin to beat more quickly. What did it mean? Did it mean anything? Somehow I knew it did. I hesitated, I thought briefly, and finally I reached out and touched it as if I were the woman in the Gospel narrative who had been hemorrhaging her entire life who reached out to touch the cloak of Jesus for healing. I’m not sure how to put words to the flood of thoughts and emotions that reached deep within me as I touched, what for me, was the image of the living God in that moment. It was one of those rare times in a life of faith when you know that you know that God is real and that he does still speak to his children and that it is still worth believing.

Of course, this is exactly what I needed. In addition to the strong dose of reassurance, I sensed God speaking into my soul that everything was ok. That my current circumstances were discouraging and that this was ok too. That even my doubts were ok. I’ve certainly missed it, but it dawned on me that God’s been in my shower everyday as well as in my car, at my dinner table, in my office as I’ve worked, and even in my bed as I lie waiting for something better to come—for some sense of meaning to come from the mess of my life. God spoke into my soul, “It’s ok and I know where you are. You are never gone from my sight and you are right, faith is not linear. The journey is three dimensional and even in the deepest of valleys where all hope seems lost and the climb out looks impossible, there is still hope.” Oddly enough there is even a kind of hope that comes from a simple hot shower.